Anger Was Trying To Save Me

Anger introduced herself to me.

At first I reached out and held her tight. I let Anger rage through my small body when I felt wronged, or scared.

They said that was being a brat. That I was throwing a fit.

So Anger got me in trouble. Anger got me hit.

Someone wounded me and I didn’t throw my body around like before. Instead anger hugged my body. A scrunched up nose. Then balled fists.

They laughed at Anger and she was embarrassed when they called her cute. Anger wasn’t trying to make me look cute. She was trying to protect me.

My relationship with Anger grew distant.

I ignored her when she asked me to scream. I tried to release Angers hands. She wouldn’t let go.

Instead, I shoved Anger deep down inside me. A cage I would never look into. When I felt her grumbling, screaming to get out, I locked the cage tighter. Sometimes she would still break free. It was rare that anger overpowered me but when she did she came out with sharp words and a vengeance.

I pushed her back into the cage. My cheeks flushed as I apologized for Angers outburst.

At some point I got so good at locking Anger away I forgot she was even there.

I accepted mistreatment in the name of peace. They said that made me emotionally mature.

It had been awhile since I pushed Anger into her cage. So Joy left me. Happiness was dimmed. Anxiety greeted me. Loneliness held me. Then I felt Nothing.

Absolutely Nothing.

Through the silence of Nothing I heard Angers tears. I attempted to ignore her. She only wanted to cause me harm. Anger wailed, and she burned to be freed.

Nothing set Anger free.

She washed over me. She destroyed Nothing. She reminded me of my worth. She defended me. She welcomed back sadness. She pushed me to get help.

Over time when Anger was done with me she made room for Happiness and Joy.

Anger was only trying to save me in the end. Anger did not accept mistreatmeent. Anger did not need to scream any longer to be heard. Instead Anger turned injustice into action.

All this time Anger had been misunderstood. Now I saw Anger for who she truly was. I shook Angers hands. I welcomed her into my life like I welcome all the other emotions.